Charmaine Is Back Today 7/2 POD

[gottahaveahoove]

During BLACK FRIDAY..

whole new meaning for her.... the question was always posed, "What do you get someone who has everything"? The answer is simple: Penicillin

 

[gottahaveahoove]

another meaning to

"give 'til it hurts".

 

[kirbyklekter]

Gosh...

All this chit chat behind her back, she says it makes her ears ring. So she runs over to the Phone Mate answering machine, but the light isn't blinking. She says she wishes she could get in on all the gossip around town. I reassured her she was very much "in" on all the gossip. Trust me.

 

[gottahaveahoove]

She'll do anything for attention

often, too.

 

[gottahaveahoove]

That ringing in her ear

is really a little infection. A little 'salve' and she'll be go to go.

 

[gottahaveahoove]

The police were called the other day.

It seems their neighbor, Iona Traylor, was accused of stealing a vacuum. We're not sure if she borrowed it , or absconded with it.
like a thief in the night. How, exactly does one steal a vacuum?"Is that a sani emptor in your pocket, or , are you just really happy to see me?

 

[gottahaveahoove]

A key witness, Marsha Dimes

claims to know the truth.Of course Marsha used to perform in the local theatre productions , and she, herself, has been known to have a certain "flair" for the dramatic.Anyone who saw her rendition of "She works hard for the money" twirling not one, but TWO batons, which were on fire, knows that when she caught those,which were always "higher" than any other's, she was met with thunderous applause. She defended Iona, claiming that it would be near to impossible to remove a big, bulky vacuum from a home, especially a home that sees as much action as Charmaine's.

 

[kirbyklekter]

I ran into Clorene at the washomat

and she says she saw part of a vacuum cleaner sticking out from the back of Iona's Gremlin. Clorene reminded me that she does not like to repeat gossip, so I should listen carefully the first time, which I do. As you recall, Clorene used to be the switch board operator in our town and for 30 years she listened in on all calls made and took notes.She says there's not one person dead or alive in this county that she doesn't have something on. So that's why I try to stay on her good side.



Marsha saw Iona coming out of the five and dime carrying a load of vacuum bags yesterday, so I'm thinking this is all adding up.

 

[gottahaveahoove]

Indeed!

"Clorene" (love it), has been monitoring the circuits for ages. And, Charmaine has revived her entire "Donna Summer Tribute", re-working all of her greatest hits: Bad Girl, Mc Arthur Park (still looking for that replacement cake), and, ending, of course with Last Dance.
Iona's "Gremlin" just hit 200K miles!Butchie, down at the shop, gives her really good service. He also maintains the car very well.
Now, with the 'pandemic', they wear masks. But, that's nothing new for these two. They've been wearing masks for years, usually with "Mack, the Knife" playing in the background.

 

[kirbyklekter]

I'm just wondering


Has anyone seen or heard from poor Lonnie, the forgotten one. No point in asking

Charmaine, he never existed in her world to begin with. Last I heard he was filling

in as a roadie for his Uncle Bruce, but money is tight for them as they have to pay

to play at gigs instead of being paid. I heard that they were run out of Turlock

Calif! That's about as bad as I can think of. They need to re-think this dream

of fame and fortune, it's just not in the cards for them. I'll pray for both tonight.

 

[tazcatsdad]

Lonnie is doing just fine

<span style="font-family: 'trebuchet ms', geneva;">He and my next-door neighbor, Helen Highwater, were recently spotted sharing a root-beer float ... they were probably wishing it was one of Charmaine’s!</span>

 

[gottahaveahoove]

true

But, nobody made a float like her son, Bruce. Remember Bruce? His stage name was "Penny Candy"... doing a revue called, "Both Sides Now", clearly a showstopper, everytime!

 

[kirbyklekter]

Clearly, I missed that one.

Is Helen in town, because she didn't call me,hmmm. What gives Charmaine's Root Beer

the edge is she uses Sassafras even though it's been banned for decades. That's why

she won't give out the recipe.She doesn't want to spend another minute in the county

jail, not as long as Helga is doing time there. Bruce sharing a float, ironic isn't

it? Anybody remember that time Bruce was sharing "his self" while riding on a float

in a certain parade? Oh waiter, check please.

 

[gottahaveahoove]

THAT was not supposed to get out.

And, also, certain recipes are not for the public, either.
As far as the float, many times she was found coasting down the street, another story, another time.
Iona had a "mishap" at the hair salon. No one should get a 'triple process'.Karl, (husband of Khandyce) regularly went to window conventions,... top salesman, 3 yrs in a row. Nobody knows double hung like Karl, well, possible exception: Charmaine!

 

[kirbyklekter]

That third process

Iona tried was really a failed attempt to use the Kirby Hair Grooming Kit on herself. She hooked things up wrong in her haste to change her appearance. As a result she lost most of her scalp.She regrets not reading the instructions first. She stole a wig from Wally's World, they had a stack by the door marked 80% off "All Wigs Must Go" so she took another 20% off the price and 6 more wigs,because sales like that don't come along every day...well...

Iona was standing in line for the Ella Vator concert and a big black crow swooped down from a nearby tree and snatched her wig clean off her head. She said people in line were in hysterics watching that crow flying high and low over them and all you could see at times was this wig flying through the air.She asked the couple behind her to save her place in line while she dashed home to get another wig. Don't know how the rest of the evening went... nothing on her Twitter account.

 

[gottahaveahoove]

Well, her Twitter account

was frozen for a few days. If she doesn't behave, she might be banned.

 

[kirbyklekter]

I reminder her of that and

She said,"Ban this Twitter, I'll just take my 51 followers back over to "My Space" where I never should have left." Her new mantra is ;bring me the drama I so richly deserve.This truth.

 

[gottahaveahoove]

Drama? Are you kidding?????

Well, Her new neighbor, Hortense recently installed a hot tub, swing, gas grill, central vac, vented outside.
The noise, company, commotion over there is wild. With this heatwave, lots of friends are constantly frolicking over there. Her cousin Ed-Ghar, spends al of of time over there. He owns a limo service, and is kept quite busy.
Hortense, or, "Horty" as she is known in certain circles, loves to entertain on the patio in the backyard. She's known for her special beverages, one being her lemonade, made with peaches, always a hit.
Ed-Ghar's friends love to plat instruments, a combo, if you will. Elldyn, or is it El-Done, I can't remember, makes display cases for schools, colleges, museums, military events, etc.
You'll often hear of his displays always looking spectacular.
They were using a 'shop vac' the other day, in preparation for an early evening dinner and pool party. More on that later.

 

[kirbyklekter]

Hortense? Three words: O M G !

Truer words have never been spoken than Hortense has a past. How she got out of the "pen" this time boggles the mind. Here's a quick run down on the old girl, it should clarify some of what you've heard and some of what you will hear. At the young age of forty, "Horty" was awarded a scholarship at Wally Thors School Of Trucking. She soon gained the reputation for being the one to see if you needed "party favors" and I'm not referring to balloons or kazoos.

What does this have to do with vacuum cleaners you ask? Pssst! That's how she received her shipments from south of the border. Packed inside the smelly dirt bag of upright vacuum cleaners so full of animal dander that not even the border inspectors would take a peak inside, was her real payload. "Snorty" was her nickname on campus back in the day. This truth.

That was then,(the 80's) and here we are now. "Maybe this time" she's changed. Now Ed-Ghar's limo business has always been a front, as in front office fake.

Ell-dyn, bless his heart. Grew up in Clyde, a town of 19 where he stood out as the "One to watch." Well,someone read to him that they were hiring at the Chippendale Furniture Factory. Unfortunately they didn't read the bold print, and he thought the ad was for a Chippendale dancer. Armed with an ego the size of Texas, he shows up for the interview dressed for the part.He put the view in interview that day.They hired him anyway as a greenhorn, he was a fast learner and that's how he became one of their finest furniture builders to this day.

I heard her peach infused lemonade is quite tasty no doubt it is, but I caution you right now, don't drink the Koolaid! I was invited to this next party coming up but the fact she ordered 6 wheel barrels in advance is a real head scratcher so no, can't make this one. Waiting for the reports is giving me life for sure.

 

[gottahaveahoove]

The school of trucking!!!!!

Well, she does like her big rigs. She's a 'household name' at the truck stops, for sure! Yes, she spent a little time at "Camp Cupcake", making friends with many.
That peach lemonade has undergone several "morphs' over time. Still, folks still return for more and more.
That 'limo service'. well, some called it a 'shuttle'.Chippendales!! Well, she DID know that one 'dancer', he was a 'private dancer: a dancer for money". He had a hard time 'making change' at times. Oh, it's all too wicked. I can't repeat some of the stuff. SO PAY CLOSE ATTENTION THE FIRST TIME!