Charmaine Is Back Today 7/2 POD

[vacuumlad1650]

"Others called her regularly"

Charmaine was such a popular one to call that she had 3 personal phone lines in her home. When she was away at Rehab, Bell telephone resorted to keeping the lights off at their offices to make up for the lost revenue while she wasnt making or getting calls

 

[gottahaveahoove]

Gives a whole new

meaning to "Can you hold please"?
Charmaine was so popular. It isn't until recently that she realized that "Big Ben" was a clock!

 

[kirbyklekter]

Poor dear Charmaine

She doesn't have a calendar and doesn't keep a journal. The last time she visited her doctor, not a clinic, she was told that she was pregnant, With eyes a big as saucers,she asked the doctor,"Are you sure it's mine?" See,if she had kept a journal or a daily planner, she could look back in time to see if indeed she was where she got pregnant. Since she can't come up with an alibi, she's forced to take the doctors word for it. Since her last visit was on April 2nd, so close to April 1st, she hopes she will get a call on one of her 3 lines, from her doctor saying April Fools. Here we are on July 3rd and he hasn't called yet.

 

[gottahaveahoove]

lolol, Oh, it's hers.

But, the other half, up for grabs. (Well, that's how it all started).
You know her; she's like Walmart.... open 24/7.

 

[kirbyklekter]

...and

she probably had "Blue Light Specials"although red light would be more apropos..bless her heart.

 

[vacuumlad1650]

Poor Charmaine...motherhood did her no favors during the "first rounds" and this one surely won't be any easier!

 

[kirbyklekter]

She still maintains

that she is not pregnant. If she is, it's not hers. She will do the honorable thing and carry it to term, but somebody needs to step forward and claim this baby when the day arrives. She said,"I'm not raising somebody elses kid, I couldn't even raise my own!" No lies detected there. I'm still laughing about how Ma Bell turns the lights off in the offices when Charmaine is in rehab to recoup some of the lost revenue when her 3 lines are inactive. She sneaks a cell phone into rehab when she goes in, But you didn't hear that from me!

 

[gottahaveahoove]

Well, her July4th celebration

is being talked about everywhere. Charcoal burned all afternoon. She wrote a little "barbecue booklet". It can be found at the grocery store checkout, next to gum and mints. Page 5 focuses on the grill: "20 things you do with a wiener". And all of the home made condiments... even mayonnaise. It practically flew off the shelves.

 

[kirbyklekter]

"Barbeque Booklet"

Those booklets, only 500,were printed on an A.B.Dick sheet fed and she just got the bill. She should have charged a buck a piece but no, and now she is looking at going back to selling vacuum cleaners door to door. She is definitely a person who is "generous to a fault." She posted pics of the 4th of July BBQ on Insta and Face and says they went virus. I think she meant viral but...

 

[gottahaveahoove]

With her

virus, bacteria, viral, as she always says, "6 of one, 10 of another"

 

[gottahaveahoove]

During BLACK FRIDAY..

whole new meaning for her.... the question was always posed, "What do you get someone who has everything"? The answer is simple: Penicillin

 

[gottahaveahoove]

another meaning to

"give 'til it hurts".

 

[kirbyklekter]

Gosh...

All this chit chat behind her back, she says it makes her ears ring. So she runs over to the Phone Mate answering machine, but the light isn't blinking. She says she wishes she could get in on all the gossip around town. I reassured her she was very much "in" on all the gossip. Trust me.

 

[gottahaveahoove]

She'll do anything for attention

often, too.

 

[gottahaveahoove]

That ringing in her ear

is really a little infection. A little 'salve' and she'll be go to go.

 

[gottahaveahoove]

The police were called the other day.

It seems their neighbor, Iona Traylor, was accused of stealing a vacuum. We're not sure if she borrowed it , or absconded with it.
like a thief in the night. How, exactly does one steal a vacuum?"Is that a sani emptor in your pocket, or , are you just really happy to see me?

 

[gottahaveahoove]

A key witness, Marsha Dimes

claims to know the truth.Of course Marsha used to perform in the local theatre productions , and she, herself, has been known to have a certain "flair" for the dramatic.Anyone who saw her rendition of "She works hard for the money" twirling not one, but TWO batons, which were on fire, knows that when she caught those,which were always "higher" than any other's, she was met with thunderous applause. She defended Iona, claiming that it would be near to impossible to remove a big, bulky vacuum from a home, especially a home that sees as much action as Charmaine's.

 

[kirbyklekter]

I ran into Clorene at the washomat

and she says she saw part of a vacuum cleaner sticking out from the back of Iona's Gremlin. Clorene reminded me that she does not like to repeat gossip, so I should listen carefully the first time, which I do. As you recall, Clorene used to be the switch board operator in our town and for 30 years she listened in on all calls made and took notes.She says there's not one person dead or alive in this county that she doesn't have something on. So that's why I try to stay on her good side.



Marsha saw Iona coming out of the five and dime carrying a load of vacuum bags yesterday, so I'm thinking this is all adding up.

 

[gottahaveahoove]

Indeed!

"Clorene" (love it), has been monitoring the circuits for ages. And, Charmaine has revived her entire "Donna Summer Tribute", re-working all of her greatest hits: Bad Girl, Mc Arthur Park (still looking for that replacement cake), and, ending, of course with Last Dance.
Iona's "Gremlin" just hit 200K miles!Butchie, down at the shop, gives her really good service. He also maintains the car very well.
Now, with the 'pandemic', they wear masks. But, that's nothing new for these two. They've been wearing masks for years, usually with "Mack, the Knife" playing in the background.

 

[kirbyklekter]

I'm just wondering


Has anyone seen or heard from poor Lonnie, the forgotten one. No point in asking

Charmaine, he never existed in her world to begin with. Last I heard he was filling

in as a roadie for his Uncle Bruce, but money is tight for them as they have to pay

to play at gigs instead of being paid. I heard that they were run out of Turlock

Calif! That's about as bad as I can think of. They need to re-think this dream

of fame and fortune, it's just not in the cards for them. I'll pray for both tonight.