Even though I don't know him personally, I can imagine Hans Craig's frustration and would undoubtedly feel frustrated, too, if I were in his situation.
With that said, I offer the following:
1) There are other McAllister manuals available. It will just take time and patience before another resurfaces. Now that we know Hans Craig would like the manual, let's keep our eyes and ears open and see if we can help him find one.
2) Disparaging remarks not only hurt the reputation of the person who is the focus, but they also hurt the persons making the remarks (no one can totally feel well about himself or herself by putting others down--whatever the reason), as well as others who hear it. Don't get me wrong, I've put others down before, too (I'm not proud of this but wanted you to know that I'm NOT talking TO you BUT WITH you). Also, I'm working at increasing my respect of everyone by trying to refrain from gossip and rude remarks about others.
3) I would like to recommend that we raise the bar in future discussions--particularly when disagreements or dissatisfaction with others surfaces by looking at our own fault. Everyone deserves others' respect as human beings even though we may not understand each others' actions or agree with them. The other thing we can do is follow the Golden Rule: "Do unto others as you would have them do to you" (regardless of their poor treatment of you). By the same token, be aware of what sets others off and avoid saying or doing those things when there is a potential for them to become involved. Just because someone is thin-skinned doesn't mean we have to make it thicker.
4) Avoid backstabbing--talk about others as if they are right there listening. If you aren't part of the circle of gossip, then when it gets to you it will stop instead of repeating its vicious cycle--including others gossiping about you. Remaining silent or changing the subject won't squash gossip--that only covers it up for a while--you need to do what you can to stop it dead in its tracks by saying something like "That's not kind. Let's drop it." or "It's not right to put others down. Let's change the subject." If enough individuals chose to stop gossip instead of repeating it or allowing it to continue by being passive we'd have healthier exchanges with one another and a greater sense of mutual respect--not only in this forum but wherever we interact socially with others.
5) Frequently evaluate your interactions with others and apologize when you make mistakes. I heard recently that saying "I was wrong. Forgive me." is more effective than "I'm sorry", because you've accepted personal responsibility for your mistakes. "I'm sorry" can just mean that you're sorry someone got angry instead of being sorry for what you said or did. Consider the fact that you could have been wrong in your judgment even if what you did or said didn't seem offensive or was taken the wrong way. Furthermore, take some time to think about what you will say or how you will react to someone instead of speaking or acting on impulse. Express yourself in a self-regarding manner (e. g. calm, rational), and you will gain respect for yourself from others over the situation.
6) Be a peacemaker. Don't exchange insult for insult. Sometimes you have to let things roll off your back. Other times, you should say something in a friendly but firm way. Instead of "How dare you--stop it or else!" try "That offends me. Please stop it." If you're the one being asked to stop, then do it. It's juvenile not to. If you're on the receiving end just ignore someone who continues to persist. At that point they have the issue--not you--and you can be the bigger person.
7) Be humble. Don't think that your age, your time in the club or Vacuumland, your knowledge, your friendships/connections, or your reputation, et cetera makes you superior to others. We all breathe the same air (ok, some of us use HEPA filters and air purifiers--but you get the point). Expect to learn from others along with what you will bring to the conversation by valuing others' thoughts, information, and ideas--along with their right to express them--as you do your own. Along with that, bear in mind that your knowledge may be limited or incorrect; so be open to expanding or correcting it.
I hope by sharing some things I've learned along the way that I can help make Vacuumland a better forum for everyone. Every comment on this site contributes to our online culture. Let's each do what we can to make it one of mutual respect, kindness, acceptance, and enjoyment for all. Now let's get looking for that McAllister manual!
