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THE QUEST FOR PIMENTO CHEESE
Sometimes I wonder if I’m just too old and too Southern.
The other day I got the worst kind of hankering for something I don’t think I’ve had since I’ve lived in California (moved here in 1980). And that’s celery sticks smeared with pimento cheese.
When I was a kid growing up in the south, celery sticks with pimento cheese and peanut butter (not on the same stick of course) was a de rigueur entrée at every church social, potluck and picnic.
Well, for some strange reason, my mouth just started watering for some. I drove to the nearby market to get a jar of pimento cheese and some celery.
I got to the market and looked, and I looked, and I looked, for pimento cheese. I looked in all the obvious places. The soft cheese section of the deli. The dairy aisle. The cracker aisle. The salad dressing aisle. There was nary a jar to be found.
I flagged down an employee to ask her where the pimento cheese is. “Pee---minty---cheezz?” She hadn’t a clue.
I flagged down another employee. He also had no idea what I was talking about and stared at me as if I might be just a bit dotty. (Never mind that he was right – that’s irrelevant to the story.)
I explained, “It’s a soft spreadable yellow cheese with bits of red peppers in it. It comes in a little jar.”
His eyes got a little buggy and he stared even harder at me. “I never heard of that stuff.” He hurried off down the aisle, turning his head a couple of times as he walked away to see if I was still standing there. When I bugged my eyes and waved at him, he hurried off around the corner. I guess I scared him a little.
I flagged down another employee. He knew what pimento cheese was but declared, “They don’t make that anymore.”
I found that hard to believe, so I went to find the manager. He said, “I’m not sure if we carry it or not. Check Aisle 1 by the crackers.” I told him I had already checked there. Well, he just didn’t know and seemed to busy to help me look.
I gave up because it was getting late in the evening. I went home, my tummy growling for pimento cheese.
The next day I went to another market. (By the way, both markets were all stores in a major national chain.) Almost a scene-for-scene repeat of the previous evening, except that I would not be deterred and didn’t give up. I wanted some damn pimento cheese!
I drove to yet another market (same national chain) in a different area. Couldn’t find pimento cheese. Flagged down an employee. “Oh yes, we do have that. It’s in the cracker aisle. Follow me.”
Oh Happy Day!
Not.
We got to where the Pimento Cheese was supposed to be. All there was there was a dusty, empty space on the shelf.
“Oh, looks like we’re out of it.”
My gorge starting to rise, I asked him -- very calmly yet very tersely -- if he could check in the back to see if there might be any there. He said he’d go look, and disappeared into the mysterious back area of the market.
Several minutes later he returned, sheepish-faced and empty-handed. “Sorry, there’s none back there.
Okay, this is really getting crazy.
Still persisting in my quest for pimento cheese, but not willing to do any driving around, I got on my phone and called another market that’s on the way home from where I was, and is part of a different chain of stores.
I asked whoever answered, “Do you carry pimento cheese, and do you have any in stock?” He said he’d go check. He came back and said, “We have Kraft pimento spread; is that what you’re looking for?”
Ohhhh, Glory Hallelujah!
“Yes, that’s what I want. Do you have plenty of it? I’m having a really hard time finding any.”
“Yes, there’s about a dozen jars. They’re on the top shelf on the cracker aisle.”
I drove over there and went into the market, heart pounding, hoping but hardly daring believe that I would finally find pimento cheese.
I headed for the cracker aisle. There, on the top shelf, I beheld a glorious sight -- a row of fluorescent orange jars of Kraft pimento cheese spread.
I thought I heard the sound of a soft angel chorus singing “Aaaaaaah,” and thought I saw a golden shaft of shimmering light beaming down on those beautiful little jars.
I reached for one and then automatically turned it around to look at the ingredients, something I nearly always do now.
Oh Good Lord.
That stuff was full of sugar and all sorts of chemicals.
Drat.
No thanks.
My sad head hanging low, I slowly drove home, feeling defeated and disabused.
When I got home, the thought crossed my mind – Well, how hard can it be to make the stuff? It’s probably just soft cheese and pimentos.
I began googling. Listing after listing after listing of pimento cheese recipes came up. I looked at several of them. Some were ridiculously complicated, time consuming and overly fussy -- involving shredding aged cheddar cheese, whipping cream cheese, blanching and dicing fresh cherry peppers, etc. etc. etc.
Okay folks, it IS pimento cheese for crying out loud! Who –knew- there are gourmet pimento cheese fanciers?!
As much as I wanted me some pimento cheese, I couldn’t see spending a whole afternoon on something so mundane and that once I had a serving, would most likely lose my craving for it.
I found the following recipe, which was very easy, and made a batch. As you can see in the photos, it yielded enough to feed a party of several hundred. If I ever make any more, I’ll at least half and maybe even quarter the quantities.
I made it late last night and let it set overnight in the frig. This evening for dinner I had a plate of celery stuffed with HOME MADE pimento cheese and peanut butter, along with a fresh tomato drizzled with olive oil, dusted with pepper and oregano, and whole-grain crackers.
Now … I’ll bet you want some pimento cheese, don’t you!
PIMENTO CHEESE SPREAD
1 4-oz. jar diced pimentos, drained
2 smallish kosher dill pickles, cubed
16 oz. original Velveeta cheese, at room temerature
8 oz. cream cheese, at room temperature
1/2 cup mayonnaise
1/3 to 1/2 cup half & half or milk
1 tsp sugar (I use coconut palm sugar)
1/2 tsp ground cayenne pepper
1/2 tsp garlic powder
1/2 tsp onion powder
1/2 tsp salt (go easy on the salt – you can always add more if it’s not salty enough for you)
A dash of hot sauce if you like (I don’t)
Place everything into your food processor.
Pulse until blended, then process at high speed until creamy.
Start with 1/3 cup half & half; add more if the mixture is too thick. But don’t make it too runny. It will thicken when you refrigerate it.
Refrigerate for a couple hours or overnight before serving. Serve with celery sticks, crackers, or as a sandwich spread. You made a ton of the stuff; you may as well find lots of uses for it.
.
THE QUEST FOR PIMENTO CHEESE
Sometimes I wonder if I’m just too old and too Southern.
The other day I got the worst kind of hankering for something I don’t think I’ve had since I’ve lived in California (moved here in 1980). And that’s celery sticks smeared with pimento cheese.
When I was a kid growing up in the south, celery sticks with pimento cheese and peanut butter (not on the same stick of course) was a de rigueur entrée at every church social, potluck and picnic.
Well, for some strange reason, my mouth just started watering for some. I drove to the nearby market to get a jar of pimento cheese and some celery.
I got to the market and looked, and I looked, and I looked, for pimento cheese. I looked in all the obvious places. The soft cheese section of the deli. The dairy aisle. The cracker aisle. The salad dressing aisle. There was nary a jar to be found.
I flagged down an employee to ask her where the pimento cheese is. “Pee---minty---cheezz?” She hadn’t a clue.
I flagged down another employee. He also had no idea what I was talking about and stared at me as if I might be just a bit dotty. (Never mind that he was right – that’s irrelevant to the story.)
I explained, “It’s a soft spreadable yellow cheese with bits of red peppers in it. It comes in a little jar.”
His eyes got a little buggy and he stared even harder at me. “I never heard of that stuff.” He hurried off down the aisle, turning his head a couple of times as he walked away to see if I was still standing there. When I bugged my eyes and waved at him, he hurried off around the corner. I guess I scared him a little.
I flagged down another employee. He knew what pimento cheese was but declared, “They don’t make that anymore.”
I found that hard to believe, so I went to find the manager. He said, “I’m not sure if we carry it or not. Check Aisle 1 by the crackers.” I told him I had already checked there. Well, he just didn’t know and seemed to busy to help me look.
I gave up because it was getting late in the evening. I went home, my tummy growling for pimento cheese.
The next day I went to another market. (By the way, both markets were all stores in a major national chain.) Almost a scene-for-scene repeat of the previous evening, except that I would not be deterred and didn’t give up. I wanted some damn pimento cheese!
I drove to yet another market (same national chain) in a different area. Couldn’t find pimento cheese. Flagged down an employee. “Oh yes, we do have that. It’s in the cracker aisle. Follow me.”
Oh Happy Day!
Not.
We got to where the Pimento Cheese was supposed to be. All there was there was a dusty, empty space on the shelf.
“Oh, looks like we’re out of it.”
My gorge starting to rise, I asked him -- very calmly yet very tersely -- if he could check in the back to see if there might be any there. He said he’d go look, and disappeared into the mysterious back area of the market.
Several minutes later he returned, sheepish-faced and empty-handed. “Sorry, there’s none back there.
Okay, this is really getting crazy.
Still persisting in my quest for pimento cheese, but not willing to do any driving around, I got on my phone and called another market that’s on the way home from where I was, and is part of a different chain of stores.
I asked whoever answered, “Do you carry pimento cheese, and do you have any in stock?” He said he’d go check. He came back and said, “We have Kraft pimento spread; is that what you’re looking for?”
Ohhhh, Glory Hallelujah!
“Yes, that’s what I want. Do you have plenty of it? I’m having a really hard time finding any.”
“Yes, there’s about a dozen jars. They’re on the top shelf on the cracker aisle.”
I drove over there and went into the market, heart pounding, hoping but hardly daring believe that I would finally find pimento cheese.
I headed for the cracker aisle. There, on the top shelf, I beheld a glorious sight -- a row of fluorescent orange jars of Kraft pimento cheese spread.
I thought I heard the sound of a soft angel chorus singing “Aaaaaaah,” and thought I saw a golden shaft of shimmering light beaming down on those beautiful little jars.
I reached for one and then automatically turned it around to look at the ingredients, something I nearly always do now.
Oh Good Lord.
That stuff was full of sugar and all sorts of chemicals.
Drat.
No thanks.
My sad head hanging low, I slowly drove home, feeling defeated and disabused.
When I got home, the thought crossed my mind – Well, how hard can it be to make the stuff? It’s probably just soft cheese and pimentos.
I began googling. Listing after listing after listing of pimento cheese recipes came up. I looked at several of them. Some were ridiculously complicated, time consuming and overly fussy -- involving shredding aged cheddar cheese, whipping cream cheese, blanching and dicing fresh cherry peppers, etc. etc. etc.
Okay folks, it IS pimento cheese for crying out loud! Who –knew- there are gourmet pimento cheese fanciers?!
As much as I wanted me some pimento cheese, I couldn’t see spending a whole afternoon on something so mundane and that once I had a serving, would most likely lose my craving for it.
I found the following recipe, which was very easy, and made a batch. As you can see in the photos, it yielded enough to feed a party of several hundred. If I ever make any more, I’ll at least half and maybe even quarter the quantities.
I made it late last night and let it set overnight in the frig. This evening for dinner I had a plate of celery stuffed with HOME MADE pimento cheese and peanut butter, along with a fresh tomato drizzled with olive oil, dusted with pepper and oregano, and whole-grain crackers.
Now … I’ll bet you want some pimento cheese, don’t you!
PIMENTO CHEESE SPREAD
1 4-oz. jar diced pimentos, drained
2 smallish kosher dill pickles, cubed
16 oz. original Velveeta cheese, at room temerature
8 oz. cream cheese, at room temperature
1/2 cup mayonnaise
1/3 to 1/2 cup half & half or milk
1 tsp sugar (I use coconut palm sugar)
1/2 tsp ground cayenne pepper
1/2 tsp garlic powder
1/2 tsp onion powder
1/2 tsp salt (go easy on the salt – you can always add more if it’s not salty enough for you)
A dash of hot sauce if you like (I don’t)
Place everything into your food processor.
Pulse until blended, then process at high speed until creamy.
Start with 1/3 cup half & half; add more if the mixture is too thick. But don’t make it too runny. It will thicken when you refrigerate it.
Refrigerate for a couple hours or overnight before serving. Serve with celery sticks, crackers, or as a sandwich spread. You made a ton of the stuff; you may as well find lots of uses for it.
