Just some thoughts.
- Thread starter hmc1981
- Start date
Help Support VacuumLand:
madman
Well-known member
In my experience running forums for a gaming community for many eons, and being the person who's had to personally intervene and defuse countless situations, it seems to me that the so-called 'bullying' on forums is just the result of simple miscommunications. At least 90% of the time, anyway. I've also found that if they're not dealt with immediately by a moderator, the tensions between the people quickly fester and leave both parties with a deep-rooted hatred of each other for a long time. If not permanently. And I mean skillfully handled, not just posts deleted, but actually talking through it with both parties, like a psychiatrist.
My point being that communication via typed words on a computer screen never fully communicate a message. As humans, we do not primarily speak with words. We speak with tonal inflections, pauses, facial expressions, and body language. All of those things are lost in a place like this. And while successfully communicating within those constraints is possible, it takes great skill from lots of practice, and even then it's never perfect and failure happens often. Of course it would help if we had BBCode (hint, hint). And it's amazing how one person can read something one way, and another person can derive an entirely different meaning from it. Almost like art... hmm.
The root of the problem is that most people fail to recognize the constraints of this type of communication, and that miscommunications are commonplace, and they jump to conclusions instead of calmly asking questions. And I'm not innocent of this, either. Happens to me all the time. It's human nature, I suppose.
My point being that communication via typed words on a computer screen never fully communicate a message. As humans, we do not primarily speak with words. We speak with tonal inflections, pauses, facial expressions, and body language. All of those things are lost in a place like this. And while successfully communicating within those constraints is possible, it takes great skill from lots of practice, and even then it's never perfect and failure happens often. Of course it would help if we had BBCode (hint, hint). And it's amazing how one person can read something one way, and another person can derive an entirely different meaning from it. Almost like art... hmm.
The root of the problem is that most people fail to recognize the constraints of this type of communication, and that miscommunications are commonplace, and they jump to conclusions instead of calmly asking questions. And I'm not innocent of this, either. Happens to me all the time. It's human nature, I suppose.
fantomfan57
Well-known member
MM....
you are so on point with all that you wrote. Very well explained.
I totally understand what you wrote. Thanks for your post.
you are so on point with all that you wrote. Very well explained.
I totally understand what you wrote. Thanks for your post.
davevac
Well-known member
Well said MadMan
You very eloquently expressed exactly what I was trying to communicate...you did it much better..
You very eloquently expressed exactly what I was trying to communicate...you did it much better..
kirbysthebest
Well-known member
Besides Miscommunication
There are the out and out bullies. The know-it-alls, that jump on other posters if they make an innocent and complimentary comment, but it didn't fit what they wanted to hear on "their" thread.
I have seen, and been a victim of the attack. I have seen where one poster tells another to never post on their threads again. Then there are non-members that post purely to promote their own shops or their monetized YouTube channels. Some of these same members and non-members use this forum to mock, make fun of, and undermine other's that are members of groups they were banned from.
In short without telling anyone that Unicorn farts don't really smell like cotton candy. There are bullies on this forum, and they DO prevent some members from posting. I held off answering until now, but I have a Unicorn so can attest.
There are the out and out bullies. The know-it-alls, that jump on other posters if they make an innocent and complimentary comment, but it didn't fit what they wanted to hear on "their" thread.
I have seen, and been a victim of the attack. I have seen where one poster tells another to never post on their threads again. Then there are non-members that post purely to promote their own shops or their monetized YouTube channels. Some of these same members and non-members use this forum to mock, make fun of, and undermine other's that are members of groups they were banned from.
In short without telling anyone that Unicorn farts don't really smell like cotton candy. There are bullies on this forum, and they DO prevent some members from posting. I held off answering until now, but I have a Unicorn so can attest.
That was SO well put!
Some try to get a rise out of others, or, belittle others.
See how worried I am about that???
My advice to everyone, (although, not asked for), is to post all you want, ignoring anything bad, mean, undermining, etc. Some people in here have become wonderful friends. There are others whom I've not met, but, would very much like to. There are also others whom I've never met, and plan to keep it that way.
I'm not really just a collector of Hoover cleaners, but, have a genuine interest of all things pertaining to The entire Hoover Company.............
Great comment!
Keep it up.
Some try to get a rise out of others, or, belittle others.
See how worried I am about that???
My advice to everyone, (although, not asked for), is to post all you want, ignoring anything bad, mean, undermining, etc. Some people in here have become wonderful friends. There are others whom I've not met, but, would very much like to. There are also others whom I've never met, and plan to keep it that way.
I'm not really just a collector of Hoover cleaners, but, have a genuine interest of all things pertaining to The entire Hoover Company.............
Great comment!
Keep it up.
Some tend to join the fray with motives in place.
Case in point, if you have to pose question: “Tom who?” , then your intentions are already less than honorable. But, “I’m not one to bash”...
It’s difficult to take anyone at face value when “victimhood” starts to look like narcissism. If one manages to spin each of his own comments into a personal commentary about himself, then it’s time to question the maker of the comments. I wonder what Sister Agnes would say about vanity and narcissism???
Case in point, if you have to pose question: “Tom who?” , then your intentions are already less than honorable. But, “I’m not one to bash”...
It’s difficult to take anyone at face value when “victimhood” starts to look like narcissism. If one manages to spin each of his own comments into a personal commentary about himself, then it’s time to question the maker of the comments. I wonder what Sister Agnes would say about vanity and narcissism???
kirbysthebest
Well-known member
Case and point made
As evidenced by the previous poster on this thread and another on this forum you will see the proof of the mocking, demeaning and belittling. These are supposed to be adults here,it's not the junior forum, but some are on the extreme of mean spiritedness.
As evidenced by the previous poster on this thread and another on this forum you will see the proof of the mocking, demeaning and belittling. These are supposed to be adults here,it's not the junior forum, but some are on the extreme of mean spiritedness.
Well, then, I'll calmly ask a few questions, if I may
John (Pecan tree): I'll ask if you were referring to ME? A veiled post, as it were. Because, I have asked, Tom who? We have a Tom (VCCC member from New York), my friend Tom Anderson, some may remember him. If you are referring to me, please say that you are. If not, so sorry, perhaps it was someone else? And, if you could please point out when/where I've bashed a different vacuum company OR an actual person....if you can find a post where I'VE mentioned a person by name, to bash, I'll gladly apologize to him or her. Who is Sister Agnes? What does she collect? Is she a member? I never had a Sister Agnes in school. I DID go to convent school. Could you be referring to me? If so, yo be clear, was it in a nasty way? IF so, I'll ask, what have I done to YOU? Do I know you? Have we met? Do you care to? Please point out when I've hurt you, insulted you, bashed you....no one even knows your address. Am I vain? Narcissistic? Those are serious accusations/perspectives from some one who never met me. .... almost slanderous. But, if you were not referring to me, so sorry. IF you were, please feel free to take all of this to a private email. or, even feel free to phone me.
Thanks, so much. Oh, and, I've been called loads of things. I'll try to locate the post where I've proclaimed myself as a Hooverphile... haven't found that. Or, maybe it's a whole different person,and company. Where is the Hoovrah Company located? Do they have a website? Do you have any of their products? Again, maybe you are thinking of someone else. If so... poor guy. But, peace to you.
John (Pecan tree): I'll ask if you were referring to ME? A veiled post, as it were. Because, I have asked, Tom who? We have a Tom (VCCC member from New York), my friend Tom Anderson, some may remember him. If you are referring to me, please say that you are. If not, so sorry, perhaps it was someone else? And, if you could please point out when/where I've bashed a different vacuum company OR an actual person....if you can find a post where I'VE mentioned a person by name, to bash, I'll gladly apologize to him or her. Who is Sister Agnes? What does she collect? Is she a member? I never had a Sister Agnes in school. I DID go to convent school. Could you be referring to me? If so, yo be clear, was it in a nasty way? IF so, I'll ask, what have I done to YOU? Do I know you? Have we met? Do you care to? Please point out when I've hurt you, insulted you, bashed you....no one even knows your address. Am I vain? Narcissistic? Those are serious accusations/perspectives from some one who never met me. .... almost slanderous. But, if you were not referring to me, so sorry. IF you were, please feel free to take all of this to a private email. or, even feel free to phone me.
Thanks, so much. Oh, and, I've been called loads of things. I'll try to locate the post where I've proclaimed myself as a Hooverphile... haven't found that. Or, maybe it's a whole different person,and company. Where is the Hoovrah Company located? Do they have a website? Do you have any of their products? Again, maybe you are thinking of someone else. If so... poor guy. But, peace to you.
hmc1981
Well-known member
John...
Do you hear the crickets responding to your comment? I sure do. It’s things like this that I was talking about with my original post. Nothing to do with lack of time, or other nonsense. Seems (to me at least) that I’ve confirmed my own suspicions.
In any case. I hope you have a great day, and keep up the fantastic work!
Do you hear the crickets responding to your comment? I sure do. It’s things like this that I was talking about with my original post. Nothing to do with lack of time, or other nonsense. Seems (to me at least) that I’ve confirmed my own suspicions.
In any case. I hope you have a great day, and keep up the fantastic work!
kirbysthebest
Well-known member
Bullies
To use my daughter's words in the training at school. "I feel sorry for them, because they must be very unhappy" Just Think someone is so unhappy they have to try to make others feel bad in order to feel better themselves.
I want to use Maybeline's quote from "The Help". When she told Miss Hilly, another unhappy person who is only happy making others miserable. "Ain't you tired?"
I mean doesn't it take a lot of energy being unpleasant?
I know the one poster mentioned wanting some sanitorium ice tea. I wonder if the sanitorium was the only place he felt safe, and the ice tea brings him to his happy place again? The poor fella. Well just bless his heart.
Let me make you some of Minnie's pie to go with your tea sometime.
To use my daughter's words in the training at school. "I feel sorry for them, because they must be very unhappy" Just Think someone is so unhappy they have to try to make others feel bad in order to feel better themselves.
I want to use Maybeline's quote from "The Help". When she told Miss Hilly, another unhappy person who is only happy making others miserable. "Ain't you tired?"
I mean doesn't it take a lot of energy being unpleasant?
I know the one poster mentioned wanting some sanitorium ice tea. I wonder if the sanitorium was the only place he felt safe, and the ice tea brings him to his happy place again? The poor fella. Well just bless his heart.
Let me make you some of Minnie's pie to go with your tea sometime.
madman
Well-known member
A passive aggressive response does not help anything. I know it might seem like taking the moral high ground, but it's still just a thinly veiled attack. It's just adding a different fuel to the flame.
This is why these things need to be handled immediately. And they clearly haven't been as there's some underlying tensions in this place. Sadly, there's not much to be done about it now.
This is why these things need to be handled immediately. And they clearly haven't been as there's some underlying tensions in this place. Sadly, there's not much to be done about it now.
A thinly veiled attack
by? possibly me?
I've always faced things head on.... family, medical, personal, etc.
If you look at old posts, you'll find that I've been called everything under the sun... publicly AND to numerous people. I've stated that I was bullied as a kid... NEVER to happen again. I've seen posts from others about me... been criticized, etc. Loyal friends share ......
I'm a big boy. I can take it. I'm also NOT stupid.I've stated numerous times that I wish no one harm. Why can't I want/expect the same?
I have wonderful friends... some are in this venue.
So, finally, if anyone has an issue with me, tell me... email me, PHONE me. You might be surprised.
But insults, ridicule, "bashing", etc will not be tolerated by me... and shouldn't be by anyone else.
So, behave like grownups, or if one (anyone) acts like a child... there are day cares all over the place.
But, I'm finished with this. I'm not going back and forth.
So, last time, if anyone has a problem with me.......... come to ME.
I'm not going to run a nice Hoover cleaner, and enjoy my friends ... the people who like me, respect me, and care about me. The rest, well.......... I can't be responsible for any of them.
Peace to all.
by? possibly me?
I've always faced things head on.... family, medical, personal, etc.
If you look at old posts, you'll find that I've been called everything under the sun... publicly AND to numerous people. I've stated that I was bullied as a kid... NEVER to happen again. I've seen posts from others about me... been criticized, etc. Loyal friends share ......
I'm a big boy. I can take it. I'm also NOT stupid.I've stated numerous times that I wish no one harm. Why can't I want/expect the same?
I have wonderful friends... some are in this venue.
So, finally, if anyone has an issue with me, tell me... email me, PHONE me. You might be surprised.
But insults, ridicule, "bashing", etc will not be tolerated by me... and shouldn't be by anyone else.
So, behave like grownups, or if one (anyone) acts like a child... there are day cares all over the place.
But, I'm finished with this. I'm not going back and forth.
So, last time, if anyone has a problem with me.......... come to ME.
I'm not going to run a nice Hoover cleaner, and enjoy my friends ... the people who like me, respect me, and care about me. The rest, well.......... I can't be responsible for any of them.
Peace to all.
huskyvacs
Well-known member
Just remember - if someone causes you drama - do not engage them. There is a block list. Block them, their posts disappear from the site from your view, and you never have to see anything they post.Don't bother trying to "get back" at that person to come out on top. Life is too short to do petty back and forth arguing or to keep stewing over it for years waiting for it to boil over.
John Long has the right idea - instead of contributing to petty drama, just go tinker with your favorite vacuum or run it around the entire house with to calm down - which is kind of you know...what this whole website is about!
(also for some people the sound of a vacuum cleaner running is actually a calming sleep therapy - so it does work)
John Long has the right idea - instead of contributing to petty drama, just go tinker with your favorite vacuum or run it around the entire house with to calm down - which is kind of you know...what this whole website is about!
(also for some people the sound of a vacuum cleaner running is actually a calming sleep therapy - so it does work)
madman
Well-known member
gottahaveahoove - I find it very interesting how you thought I was talking to/about you... I wasn't, actually. I don't know you, or what you've said in the past. But right here, it kind of looked like you were on the receiving end of the thinly (and not-so-thinly) veiled attacks in this thread. If anything, I was trying to stick up for you.
But now... I wonder. Then again, who am I to take sides in some old petty drama that didn't involve me?
But now... I wonder. Then again, who am I to take sides in some old petty drama that didn't involve me?
Well, I DO appreciate that
It's true, several things were aimed at me. It was kind of you .
Thanks, again.
It's true, several things were aimed at me. It was kind of you .
Thanks, again.
