The other day, I was viewing the picture Vacuuman posted of the Kirby 519 and it got me to thinking. It certainly was a pretty vacuum, but I have never really been attracted to Kirbys. Even when I was really young, I was always intrigued by Hoovers. In fact, about as far back as I can remember, I always had some interest in Hoovers. No, not just an interest. Fascination! Hoovers fascinated me. At first, I really did not think much about it. But any time I saw a Hoover, it really piqued my interest. And as time went on, I became more and more aware of my leanings toward Hoovers rather than Kirbys. It seemed almost any time I went out, perhaps at a neighbor’s home or even in a store, if there was a Hoover there, I never missed it. In fact, I even began to seek them out. I did this very subtly of course. But then, after a while, not quite so subtly <br
Now of course, along the way, I periodically saw some very nice Kirbys. Some were even very, very attractive. But no matter how I tried, my eyes kept coming back to Hoovers. It could be at other peoples’ homes, or even out in public. In fact, one time at a Bowling Alley when I was still pretty young, I remember not being able to take my eyes off this very attractive Model 28 Hoover that was essentially being paraded in front of me. (It was then that I also became more open-minded about color!) It seemed none of the other guys there were even aware of its presence, but I certainly was! And so it went <br
Over time, I became more and more aware that, while others may have been attracted to Kirbys, for me it was clearly Hoovers that always caught my eye. And held it! This awareness slowly led me to the realization that I was somehow different. That somehow, although my friends and I were alike in many ways, we simply were not attracted in the same way. The truth was, they were simply far more attracted to Kirbys. And with that came the recognition that I needed to keep this growing attraction to Hoovers pretty much to myself. In fact, over time I became better and better about concealing this fascination, though looking back, I wasn’t aware just how good I had become or how much energy it took, to hide it. But I continued to find new and imaginative ways to sneak a peek whenever there was some Hoover to be seen, and yet avoid others’ awareness. Yep, somehow, I was clearly different from my other friends! <br
At some point, my awareness of being attracted to Hoovers while most of my friends were talking, now almost constantly about Kirbys, did begin to concern me. I did try to put it out of my mind, even to redirect it. But somehow, no matter how I tried, if I saw a really neat Hoover, I simply could not take my eyes off it. And it was not singularly uprights. It was largely, but not exclusively across the board. Whether I saw an Aero-dyne, a Constellation, or even a Dustette, my eyes became locked and my heart began to pound just a little bit faster. Yes, there was something about Hoovers that was undeniable to me. <br
Now I already mentioned hiding this. But I did find opportunities to convince other friends to play together with Hoovers rather than Kirbys. It didn’t happen a lot, but when the gods were shining on me, once in a while and generally for short periods of time, some friends were indeed willing to bring out their Hoovers. This was a wonderful time of exploration. Interestingly, I seem to recall most of those times! Generally, this was either under the guise of needing to show them something, pick up something, or perhaps ask questions about theirs. And during some of those times, it even appeared that we shared the same interest. But of course, we didn’t. They invariably moved on to Kirbys.
As time went on, I continued to become more concerned about this difference. I could no longer sublimate my increasingly strong attraction to Hoovers, so I found different ways to ‘deal’ with this. As friends’ conversations continued to be directed toward Kirbys, at first I decided this was just a phase for me. That with time, I too would eventually become interested in Kirbys. It just hadn’t happened to me yet. But I knew it would. Yeah, right! <br
I do have to admit that although I had been taught to be very open-minded and non-judgmental at home and in Sunday School, I clearly was attracted to some models over others. For instance, models like ‘Elites’, ‘Pixies’, and ‘Larks’ just did not hold any appeal for me. In fact, I held some distain for them. They just didn’t exude that sense of endurance, power, and strength that attracted me to Hoovers in the first place. I even found myself putting down Convertibles, feeling that the so-called ‘versatile’ models were really wolves in sheep’s clothing <br
But over time, things began to change. Introspectively, I somehow knew THIS was how God made me. I did not CHOOSE to like Hoovers. In fact, at times, I tried NOT to like them. I really did. But the recurring fascination of course never went away. So I began to try to search out information for myself related to this. I even learned that there were organizations that promised freedom through ‘Reparative Therapy.’ Maybe I could be ‘reprogrammed’ to be attracted to Kirbys rather than Hoovers. But after reading of their shock treatment and their ultra-high recidivism rate, I recognized that only an imbecile or a mindless drone would truly believe in such a thing, any more than such treatment would change my righthandedness or the color of my eyes. Rather, I learned that people could ACT or PRETEND to like Kirbys, but that is all it would be. AN ACT! Today I proudly and comfortably admit I run my HOOVER and with my RIGHT hand! Such acceptance was a long journey, but I have arrived and know that I am indeed a Hoover Man, just as God made me <br
Please note: I have in no way intended to cast any dispersions on Kirby Vacuum Cleaners. I know many people seem to like Kirbys, and some may even still be in denial as to their supposed superiority over Hoovers. Since the Truth generally wins out, perhaps they will eventually come to the light, trading their unnatural use of Kirbys for the natural use of Hoovers. But in VacuumLand, ALL are welcome wherever they might be in their ‘walk’ with vacuums. I simply wish to encourage you to keep vacuuming and keep an open mind. Perhaps one day, you, too, will come to appreciate THE HOOVER <br
AKA_Bent
Now of course, along the way, I periodically saw some very nice Kirbys. Some were even very, very attractive. But no matter how I tried, my eyes kept coming back to Hoovers. It could be at other peoples’ homes, or even out in public. In fact, one time at a Bowling Alley when I was still pretty young, I remember not being able to take my eyes off this very attractive Model 28 Hoover that was essentially being paraded in front of me. (It was then that I also became more open-minded about color!) It seemed none of the other guys there were even aware of its presence, but I certainly was! And so it went <br
Over time, I became more and more aware that, while others may have been attracted to Kirbys, for me it was clearly Hoovers that always caught my eye. And held it! This awareness slowly led me to the realization that I was somehow different. That somehow, although my friends and I were alike in many ways, we simply were not attracted in the same way. The truth was, they were simply far more attracted to Kirbys. And with that came the recognition that I needed to keep this growing attraction to Hoovers pretty much to myself. In fact, over time I became better and better about concealing this fascination, though looking back, I wasn’t aware just how good I had become or how much energy it took, to hide it. But I continued to find new and imaginative ways to sneak a peek whenever there was some Hoover to be seen, and yet avoid others’ awareness. Yep, somehow, I was clearly different from my other friends! <br
At some point, my awareness of being attracted to Hoovers while most of my friends were talking, now almost constantly about Kirbys, did begin to concern me. I did try to put it out of my mind, even to redirect it. But somehow, no matter how I tried, if I saw a really neat Hoover, I simply could not take my eyes off it. And it was not singularly uprights. It was largely, but not exclusively across the board. Whether I saw an Aero-dyne, a Constellation, or even a Dustette, my eyes became locked and my heart began to pound just a little bit faster. Yes, there was something about Hoovers that was undeniable to me. <br
Now I already mentioned hiding this. But I did find opportunities to convince other friends to play together with Hoovers rather than Kirbys. It didn’t happen a lot, but when the gods were shining on me, once in a while and generally for short periods of time, some friends were indeed willing to bring out their Hoovers. This was a wonderful time of exploration. Interestingly, I seem to recall most of those times! Generally, this was either under the guise of needing to show them something, pick up something, or perhaps ask questions about theirs. And during some of those times, it even appeared that we shared the same interest. But of course, we didn’t. They invariably moved on to Kirbys.
As time went on, I continued to become more concerned about this difference. I could no longer sublimate my increasingly strong attraction to Hoovers, so I found different ways to ‘deal’ with this. As friends’ conversations continued to be directed toward Kirbys, at first I decided this was just a phase for me. That with time, I too would eventually become interested in Kirbys. It just hadn’t happened to me yet. But I knew it would. Yeah, right! <br
I do have to admit that although I had been taught to be very open-minded and non-judgmental at home and in Sunday School, I clearly was attracted to some models over others. For instance, models like ‘Elites’, ‘Pixies’, and ‘Larks’ just did not hold any appeal for me. In fact, I held some distain for them. They just didn’t exude that sense of endurance, power, and strength that attracted me to Hoovers in the first place. I even found myself putting down Convertibles, feeling that the so-called ‘versatile’ models were really wolves in sheep’s clothing <br
But over time, things began to change. Introspectively, I somehow knew THIS was how God made me. I did not CHOOSE to like Hoovers. In fact, at times, I tried NOT to like them. I really did. But the recurring fascination of course never went away. So I began to try to search out information for myself related to this. I even learned that there were organizations that promised freedom through ‘Reparative Therapy.’ Maybe I could be ‘reprogrammed’ to be attracted to Kirbys rather than Hoovers. But after reading of their shock treatment and their ultra-high recidivism rate, I recognized that only an imbecile or a mindless drone would truly believe in such a thing, any more than such treatment would change my righthandedness or the color of my eyes. Rather, I learned that people could ACT or PRETEND to like Kirbys, but that is all it would be. AN ACT! Today I proudly and comfortably admit I run my HOOVER and with my RIGHT hand! Such acceptance was a long journey, but I have arrived and know that I am indeed a Hoover Man, just as God made me <br
Please note: I have in no way intended to cast any dispersions on Kirby Vacuum Cleaners. I know many people seem to like Kirbys, and some may even still be in denial as to their supposed superiority over Hoovers. Since the Truth generally wins out, perhaps they will eventually come to the light, trading their unnatural use of Kirbys for the natural use of Hoovers. But in VacuumLand, ALL are welcome wherever they might be in their ‘walk’ with vacuums. I simply wish to encourage you to keep vacuuming and keep an open mind. Perhaps one day, you, too, will come to appreciate THE HOOVER <br
AKA_Bent
