Well...that didn't work out.
The guy got pissed at me because something came up, and it would have taken me like 45 minutes to get to his house instead of five minutes.
So, he says he texted someone who was willing to pay him $75 for it, and I could go have relations with myself. He said he'd rather throw it away than sell it to me.
Sounds like he's either a child, a scammer, or it was just about trying to get more money out of someone all along.
Oh well. I hope he's happy with his $75. Life goes on.